Christchurch and District Model Flying Club
 

Diary of a Flyer

B.Leonard Wise has crashed an electric plane in flames and set fire to the forest. He is due to be prosecuted.

Today is the day I am due to appear in Court. I have rejected my wife's appeal to get her cousin to defend me. I shall do it myself. Realising that court officials dress up and wear a wig, I went to find one. The only place that I could get one was the local Joke Shop. Anyway I bought it. I presented myself to the court and was put in the Box. I swore to tell the truth etc. The Clerk read out the charge that I, on 16 August did fly a model aeroplane which caught fire and did set fire to the forest with malice aforethought.

The prosecutor looked very young. Everyone seems to be young nowadays. Even headmasters. The Policeman who originally charged me, gave his evidence. I do recall saying to Walter, when the Police arrived, that it is so long since I saw one I thought they were extinct. I did not realise that he had heard it and it was not necessary to repeat that it court. The rather languid youth who was the prosecutor rose and asked was I Mr Wise. I replied that I was. Did you on the 16 August fly a plane which caught fire and set fire to the forest. Yes I said but it was not my fault. The Chief Magistrate, a rather irate looking man, interrupted and told me that I could not volunteer information. All I could do was to answer the question. But it was not my fault I told him. Be quiet he said loudly.

If you admit setting fire to the forest, that is all I have to say said the youth who subsided into his chair. Where is your defending counsel, asked the Magistrate. I am defending myself I replied. The Magistrate groaned .I then put on my wig. Why are you wearing that ridiculous thing, asked the Magistrate. I replied with as much dignity as I could muster. For some of the time I am myself, and for some ~ I am representing myself. I thought if I wore the wing when I was representing myself then it would make the proceedings clearer. Take it off he shouted. This is not a circus.

His fellow Magistrate, an elderly well dressed lady, put her hand on his arm in a restraining manner and said Edward in a soothing sort of voice.

Well he said loudly, this looks to be a simple case why do you not plead guilty and save us a lot of trouble. What can you possibly have to say for yourself. I took out my pen and started to write this all down. What are you doing now he shouted. I replied that if I am found guilty , then I shall appeal The grounds would be that I did not get a fair trial. This is the evidence, so could he please be quiet whilst I write down what he said. He looked about to explode but the restraining hand was put on his arm and he subsided.

I wish to call witnesses I said. Well damn well get on with it said the magistrate. I stopped to write that down as well.

I knew the prosecutor’s name was Martin Updyke, so I said I call Martin Updyke. Call Martin Updyke shouted the Usher, In the corridor the voice was echoed. Call Martin Updyke. The infuriated Magistrate shouted he is already here. The usher shouted he is already here and down the corridor a voice shouted he is already here.

Listen Mr Wise he said you cannot call the Prosecuting Counsel as a witness for the defence. Yes I can I replied. It said in the law books that I can call whomsoever I need to defend myself. Well I say you can't he shouted. Again the hand on his arm. The Clerk to the Magistrates stood up and he and the Magistrates put their heads together.

Will our hero be able to call his witness and defend himself? Will he see the inside of a prison? Read about his fate in the next issue. If you can wait...

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