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The Diary of a Flier, by B Leonard Wise

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Diary of a Flyer Episode 12

The Story So far

B. Leonard Wise wants to fly a Model Spitfire. He is having lessons. He is contacted by a man he knows as D, and gets embroiled in bombing some European dignitaries with Cows’ Brains. He is arrested and let go to be followed but eludes his pursuers.

 

I was laying on the Bed reading, in our Hotel, when Clarissa my Wife came in. She had been shopping with Jim Fawcett’s wife. Jim is something at the Foreign Office. She showed me her purchases and asked me where I had been. I said mooching about: I tried to get into the Louvre but there was too much of a queue. You ought to try to do something interesting she said. If only you knew I thought. She said that we would be eating later because Jim had rung Mary his wife and said that there was a crisis at the conference and he could not get away until 9. pm. It may be on the news she said.

At the appointed time we turned on the T. V. There was the camera focused on the Dignitaries as they stood up on the plinth. It focused upwards and there was the plane. With commendable accuracy out dropped a few pounds of Sludge, which I knew to be Cows’ Brains. It dropped on the people some of whom had their mouths open and then the plane flew away. Someone had managed to keep a camera on it and saw it catch fire in the Air. The newsreader claimed that it had been shot down by a French missile. I of course knew better. My Wife was secretly pleased but warned me not to antagonise Jim who is working for European Harmony. Eventually we got down to Dinner and Jim was there, looking rather careworn. He asked us if we had seen it on the news and we said that we had. The French are very upset he said they thought their security was 100 percent foolproof. No one thought about a small model plane breaking through. They must have been

professionals of some sort to be so well organised. Several people have claimed responsibility but none seem credible. Clarrissa asked if they knew who did it Jim said they must be a well organised and skilful group. One of them was on the E. Tower and was arrested along with several other people. They thought they had their man, because a German person was taking photographs and was found in possession of a Transmitter which could have flown the plane. They were so sure of him that they did not take enough notice of the others. It was only later when they had checked up on him that they found he had never been near a flying model and did not know what a Transmitter was.

They did have another suspect who they now realise was implicated in the Plot buthe was too clever and well trained for them. Probably S.A.S. I could hardly contain myself What do you mean asked his wife. Well said Jim they had him but he managed to evade having his picture taken, injured two police men and according to them escaped but they followed him. However he was so clever he managed to elude them by implicating two Americans in the Hilton Hotel by hanging his coat on their door. They were arrested of course, it would not have mattered except he was at this conference as an American Observer and he was in bed with his Secretary .Both being arrested called for some diplomacy on both sides as you can well imagine.

At first we thought it must have been a bunch of Amateurs but listening to what this man did he must have been Security trained to be so clever and know so much. Two of the Dignitaries actually swallowed some of the sludge they are terrified of catching C.J .D. But tests show that it was Cows’ Brains but not infected. This means that it must have been English unless someone-wants to mislead us. What nationality was the man arrested asked Clarrissa. They could not get anything out of him he spoke what they now know to be a mixture of Languages and made up words. As I say a very clever chap.

How I longed to tell them my part in this job. Now I know how secret agents feel when they have done a job and cannot tell anyone about it. Jim ended by looking around him and in a quiet voice said I have never seen anything so funny in my life. He then said They are watching all the Ports and trains especially those to England so , we ought to go on Monday instead of Sunday night. They have the description of the man but no Photo. You know Leonard you would fit that description and you fly planes. I tried to keep calm, and said Yes I may well do in common with many others, but I am not yet good enough to fly with that degree of accuracy. Clarrissa said scornfully Leonard would never be able to do any of those things you have mentioned. I thought little do you know Madam.

On Monday we went to join the queue of Cars at the Ferry. Jim went to the front of the queue waved his diplomatic passport at the official and we were let through. I was relieved.

I am not sure what to do with this part of this diary, I do not expect that I shall ever have such an exciting time again and I cannot tell anyone about it. I shall enclose it in an envelope with my will. To be read after my death

B Leonard Wise.

Editor’s Note. I came across this episode after it was pushed through my letter-box one day last month. There was a hand-written note clipped to it which I  reproduce below. One must presume that Leonard has not passed away, despite his last sentence.

Dear Editor,

Leonard has been so very very stupid, even I am astonished by his foolishness. We have been married 20 years and I don’t think a day passes when (The next lines were heavily crossed out and illegible—Ed)  in any case, I was not to blame and perhaps the drink had some effect.

I found this nonsense in his secret draw (which he laughingly supposes I do not know about) and send it to you as a terrible warning not to get involved with my husband ever again. In fact, if you continue to print this self-serving nonsense you have only yourself to blame if (more crossing-out—Ed)

Yours sincerely, Clarissa Wise

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