Christchurch and District Model Flying Club
 

AIR TRAFFIC CALL AND RESPONSE

(Some kind correspondent sent me these via email—I offer them as a Christmas stocking filler—Ed)

Actual exchanges between pilots and control towers:

Tower: 'Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6 miles!' 
Delta 351: 'Give us another hint! We have digital watches!' 

Tower: 'TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees.' 
TWA 2341: 'Tower, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise

Can we make up here?' 
Tower: 'Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?' 

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From an unknown aircraft waiting in a very long take-off ‘God I’m bloody bored’
Tower: 'Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself immediately!' 
Unknown aircraft: 'I said I was bloody bored, not bloody stupid!' 

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While taxiing at London 's, Gatwick Airport , the crew of a US Air flight departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727. An irate female ground controller lashed out at the US Air crew, screaming:

'US Air 2771, where the hell are you going? I told you to turn right onto Charlie taxiway! You turned right on Delta! Stop right there. I know it's difficult for you to tell the difference Between C and D, but get it right!'  Continuing her rant to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting hysterically: 'God! Now you've screwed everything up! It'll take forever to sort this out! You stay right there and don't move till I tell you to! You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour, and I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you! You got that, US Air 2771?' 

'Yes, ma'am,' the humbled crew responded. 

Naturally, the ground control communications frequency fell terribly silent after the verbal bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody wanted to chance engaging the irate ground controller in her current state of mind. Tension in every cockpit out around Gatwick was definitely running high. Just then an unknown pilot broke the silence and keyed his microphone, asking:

'Wasn't I married to you, once?'

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